i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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