dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just had sex bonerless
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
