Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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