Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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