Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
