Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
