you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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