where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
