I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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