The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
