Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
