aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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