clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
