You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
