I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
