I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
