so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
