By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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