The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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