I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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