I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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