There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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