Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
