evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
