You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
