I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He? As in you personified your dick?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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