The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
