just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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