so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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