this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
