i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
