I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
