I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize