I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
