it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
