Kiss
Puke
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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