You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
