is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
