Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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