why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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