i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
