so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
