I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
