Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
