worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize