Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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