i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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