I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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