my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
