No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
