Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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