im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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