We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize