he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
