They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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