who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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