When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i believe in u and ur pee
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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