Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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