I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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