Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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