I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
