The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
