so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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