Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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