WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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