When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
