So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
