I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
