i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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