you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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