I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize