i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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