Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
