i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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