garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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