Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
