i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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