the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You took a bar mat shot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
