The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
