I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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