it wasn't lemon gatorade
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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