Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
