return my video game
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
