Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
