When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
