Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
