Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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