If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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