Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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