Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
