I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
