he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
