On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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