Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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