He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
