Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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