My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
