Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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